Aslan says, "They will not let us help them. They have chosen cunning instead of belief. Their prison is only in their own minds, yet they are in that prison; and so afraid of being taken in that they can not be taken out."
This is from "Prince Caspian". As we sit Sunday after Sunday in church we seek a man we can believe in so we can have a place to serve and be "used by God". Is this what a loving Father expects from His children? Is this how we treat our children? We line them up and try to see in them something that can be used for our own good? No wonder they rebel as teenagers.
This is hindsight for me. I see all my parenting mistakes in retrospect. Trying to get the children to perform, though not for me, but so they can have a fulfilling life and be able to serve God.
I wanted perfection in their innermost parts. Doh!
They have chosen cunning instead of belief. What a picture of manipulation and stroking the ego.
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Oh God, Hold Her (from "Along Came a Stranger" by Lydia Kohlmeier. My comments follow)
I am reposting this for those who know me, but don't really know my background. The author of this was a good friend of Mom's during her last few years on this earth. God is so good to give us who we need at different times of our lives.
If I’m going to tell the story about the people who have had the greatest impact on my spiritual life, I couldn’t possibly leave out my courageous Frances.
I just walked into her room one day, and here’s what I saw:
A young girl, maybe in her mid-30’s with big brown eyes and sort of a pixie look. She looked ready to smile given half a chance.
She was so still lying there, flat on her back. Nor part of her moved at all. Finally I asked what on earth she was doing in a convalescent hospital. In a flat, unemotional voice she said...
“I have Multiple Sclerosis and can’t move from my neck down.”
This was said in such a way I knew she neither wanted, nor expected, sympathy.
I asked her a few questions about the disease, and she talked easily, almost objectively, as if maybe all this had happened to someone else, someone she used to know, in a different world, a different place.
My heart was aching for her, but I had learned a few things the hard way, and one of them was this.
Never, never, violate or intrude on a person’s privacy, especially the sick, as they seem to have a greater need to keep their individuality. Maybe it’s because they must depend on others for their help and care. They can still be a person: if they keep part of themselves untouched.
I believe if we are to do God’s work, we must become “all things to all people that we might by all means save some.”
I could see that Frances had accepted and adjusted to the cold, hard fact that she would never get better, and so she was ready for some light-hearted laughter and so was I.
We established sort of a “fun and games” relationship and I really looked forward to seeing her once or twice a week.
I found out quite a bit about her. She had to leave four teenaged children at home when she finally had to give up and enter a hospital, knowing she could never go home again. No one but our Heavenly Father could know what kind of private hell she went through. Somehow, by sheer courage, she managed to stay on top of things and live her life the best way possible with the deck stacked against her.
We talked about many things, and I felt very close to her, but she let me come just so far, and no farther. I began to see she had built and armor of protection around herself like an invisible wall.
She couldn’t take the chance of becoming vulnerable. I could sense her thoughts.
Don’t care too much. Don’t trust too much. Don’t be obligated to anyone. Don’t let go. Don’t get hurt any more.
She was holding her finger in the dike and dared not remove it, or she would be swept away.
I understood, and respected her privacy., but if I get carried away on some emotional tangent, like I’m so inclined to do, I could see the curtain come down, and the show was over.
As I began to put together bits and pieces, I found out Frances had been a “sitting duck” for every faith healer and every insensitive “religious fanatic” in town.
One day as I shared some of the “mountains and valleys” I’d encountered on my road to the Lord, she opened up a little and began to talk about some of the “do-gooders” who had come to see her.
Some tried the “laying on of hands”. Others read the Bible hour after hour, never once asking what she wanted. What an invasion into her life! And there was no escape from her bedridden captivity.
I found myself getting very angry, and also very protective. If it had been possible, I would have stood guard outsider her door and given a “mental frisking” to all who came.
Frances knew that I could identify with her in a world without God.
And so, drop by drop, we began to share, and her starving soul picked up a “crumb”. Both our pastors began to visit her, and I could see she had started to think abut some hellish past she had pushed away and out of sight.
One day when I waked in, those big brown eyes were sending out spark signals. I knew something good had happened, so when I asked, she said, “Of all things - I bought myself a typewriter”.
This sounded so incongruous, we both started to laugh, and when Frances and I got on that laughing spree, it was as if all sunshine and rainbows in Heaven joined together in her little room.
You see, we had reached a plateau in our friendship where we could see a kind of pathetic comedy in some of her ridiculous situations. Sometimes I think we laughed to keep from crying. I know I did. But Frances had more courage than I and had learned to live in an impossible world.
And so now she had a typewriter. She had been a secretary and decided she would hold a pencil in her teeth and hit the keys. She was able to be put in a wheelchair twice a day and as she couldn’t sit up very long, she had to memorize what she wanted to write. That way she could make use of every minute.
What a thrill! Now she could write her parents, relatives, friends. She felt a great sense of accomplishment and satisfaction. Now at last she could do something for herself.
And we rejoiced together.
One day I got a letter in the mail and when I saw the address was from Frances, I just sat there, almost afraid to open it. She had typed a beautiful poem just for me. I’m always deeply touched by a gesture of love. All I could see in my “mind’s eye” was Frances holding a pencil in her teeth and making this kind of effort to bring a moment of happiness into someone’s life.
I asked God for His special blessing for her from this day on, moment by moment, and I prayed.
“Oh God. Hold her in Your everlasting arms. She’s coming to You, Lord, faltering, blindly stumbling, agonizing, but coming, just the same.”
It’s enough for now.
Thank You, Jesus.
I had to share this with someone, and who else but Myrna?
When I handed her the letter, I was sort of weepy and she must have thought it was the “letter edged in black”, until she read it. I’m afraid my poem is tattered and tear-stained, but it’s more precious, I suppose because of that.
When I saw Frances, I tried to tell her what her “labor of love” did to me, and I’m afraid I didn’t do a very good job, because of the lump in my throat, but she got the message.
She looked so happy, and I prayed she would get her reward--”Good measure, press down, running over”.
In control as usual, she said
“Maybe something good can come from this after all.”
And I knew the time was right, and I asked,
“Have you thought about going to church with me?”
Her answer,
“Yes, I’ll go Sunday.”
And so... I pushed a wheelchair through the open doors with someone who had been victorious. So this is what we have. A hope of things to come, so we can hold out against the world.
One faith. One church. One Lord. One Father of us all.
Forever.
My Thoughts
This chapter came from the book Along Came a Stranger by Lynda Kohl. In the book she used the name Janice for Frances because my mother was still alive and she was serious about privacy. Lynda Kohl is even a pseudonym for Lydia Kohlmeier. This book was written in 1975 two years before Frances passed away.
Lydia wrote this to define her own journey in her walk with God. She chose my mother because of her courage. It’s enlightening to know my mother was courageous. I always thought of her as “my mother”. But seeing her through another’s eyes and 32 years later, I see her courage and always loved her sense of humor. She would laugh about the most ridiculous things. And we all laughed with her even as we cried with her through the pain and anguish her disease brought.
I left home in 1972, got married, had two children by the time she passed. So I didn’t get to enjoy the last 5 years of her life. I really missed the best part of it.
I thought I had lost this book.
Earlier this year I was grieved to realize I was missing it. When I had to rearrange things in the garage and found some old boxes of the children’s mementos I was keeping, I ran across the book with a photo of her at her typewriter, my little sister standing there with her.
This is my Mother’s Day gift (2010) to my children and grandchildren. They never knew their Grandma Bender and hopefully this will give some insight into her life.
Sue Hanauer
If I’m going to tell the story about the people who have had the greatest impact on my spiritual life, I couldn’t possibly leave out my courageous Frances.
I just walked into her room one day, and here’s what I saw:
A young girl, maybe in her mid-30’s with big brown eyes and sort of a pixie look. She looked ready to smile given half a chance.
She was so still lying there, flat on her back. Nor part of her moved at all. Finally I asked what on earth she was doing in a convalescent hospital. In a flat, unemotional voice she said...
“I have Multiple Sclerosis and can’t move from my neck down.”
This was said in such a way I knew she neither wanted, nor expected, sympathy.
I asked her a few questions about the disease, and she talked easily, almost objectively, as if maybe all this had happened to someone else, someone she used to know, in a different world, a different place.
My heart was aching for her, but I had learned a few things the hard way, and one of them was this.
Never, never, violate or intrude on a person’s privacy, especially the sick, as they seem to have a greater need to keep their individuality. Maybe it’s because they must depend on others for their help and care. They can still be a person: if they keep part of themselves untouched.
I believe if we are to do God’s work, we must become “all things to all people that we might by all means save some.”
I could see that Frances had accepted and adjusted to the cold, hard fact that she would never get better, and so she was ready for some light-hearted laughter and so was I.
We established sort of a “fun and games” relationship and I really looked forward to seeing her once or twice a week.
I found out quite a bit about her. She had to leave four teenaged children at home when she finally had to give up and enter a hospital, knowing she could never go home again. No one but our Heavenly Father could know what kind of private hell she went through. Somehow, by sheer courage, she managed to stay on top of things and live her life the best way possible with the deck stacked against her.
We talked about many things, and I felt very close to her, but she let me come just so far, and no farther. I began to see she had built and armor of protection around herself like an invisible wall.
She couldn’t take the chance of becoming vulnerable. I could sense her thoughts.
Don’t care too much. Don’t trust too much. Don’t be obligated to anyone. Don’t let go. Don’t get hurt any more.
She was holding her finger in the dike and dared not remove it, or she would be swept away.
I understood, and respected her privacy., but if I get carried away on some emotional tangent, like I’m so inclined to do, I could see the curtain come down, and the show was over.
As I began to put together bits and pieces, I found out Frances had been a “sitting duck” for every faith healer and every insensitive “religious fanatic” in town.
One day as I shared some of the “mountains and valleys” I’d encountered on my road to the Lord, she opened up a little and began to talk about some of the “do-gooders” who had come to see her.
Some tried the “laying on of hands”. Others read the Bible hour after hour, never once asking what she wanted. What an invasion into her life! And there was no escape from her bedridden captivity.
I found myself getting very angry, and also very protective. If it had been possible, I would have stood guard outsider her door and given a “mental frisking” to all who came.
Frances knew that I could identify with her in a world without God.
And so, drop by drop, we began to share, and her starving soul picked up a “crumb”. Both our pastors began to visit her, and I could see she had started to think abut some hellish past she had pushed away and out of sight.
One day when I waked in, those big brown eyes were sending out spark signals. I knew something good had happened, so when I asked, she said, “Of all things - I bought myself a typewriter”.
This sounded so incongruous, we both started to laugh, and when Frances and I got on that laughing spree, it was as if all sunshine and rainbows in Heaven joined together in her little room.
You see, we had reached a plateau in our friendship where we could see a kind of pathetic comedy in some of her ridiculous situations. Sometimes I think we laughed to keep from crying. I know I did. But Frances had more courage than I and had learned to live in an impossible world.
And so now she had a typewriter. She had been a secretary and decided she would hold a pencil in her teeth and hit the keys. She was able to be put in a wheelchair twice a day and as she couldn’t sit up very long, she had to memorize what she wanted to write. That way she could make use of every minute.
What a thrill! Now she could write her parents, relatives, friends. She felt a great sense of accomplishment and satisfaction. Now at last she could do something for herself.
And we rejoiced together.
One day I got a letter in the mail and when I saw the address was from Frances, I just sat there, almost afraid to open it. She had typed a beautiful poem just for me. I’m always deeply touched by a gesture of love. All I could see in my “mind’s eye” was Frances holding a pencil in her teeth and making this kind of effort to bring a moment of happiness into someone’s life.
I asked God for His special blessing for her from this day on, moment by moment, and I prayed.
“Oh God. Hold her in Your everlasting arms. She’s coming to You, Lord, faltering, blindly stumbling, agonizing, but coming, just the same.”
It’s enough for now.
Thank You, Jesus.
I had to share this with someone, and who else but Myrna?
When I handed her the letter, I was sort of weepy and she must have thought it was the “letter edged in black”, until she read it. I’m afraid my poem is tattered and tear-stained, but it’s more precious, I suppose because of that.
When I saw Frances, I tried to tell her what her “labor of love” did to me, and I’m afraid I didn’t do a very good job, because of the lump in my throat, but she got the message.
She looked so happy, and I prayed she would get her reward--”Good measure, press down, running over”.
In control as usual, she said
“Maybe something good can come from this after all.”
And I knew the time was right, and I asked,
“Have you thought about going to church with me?”
Her answer,
“Yes, I’ll go Sunday.”
And so... I pushed a wheelchair through the open doors with someone who had been victorious. So this is what we have. A hope of things to come, so we can hold out against the world.
One faith. One church. One Lord. One Father of us all.
Forever.
My Thoughts
This chapter came from the book Along Came a Stranger by Lynda Kohl. In the book she used the name Janice for Frances because my mother was still alive and she was serious about privacy. Lynda Kohl is even a pseudonym for Lydia Kohlmeier. This book was written in 1975 two years before Frances passed away.
Lydia wrote this to define her own journey in her walk with God. She chose my mother because of her courage. It’s enlightening to know my mother was courageous. I always thought of her as “my mother”. But seeing her through another’s eyes and 32 years later, I see her courage and always loved her sense of humor. She would laugh about the most ridiculous things. And we all laughed with her even as we cried with her through the pain and anguish her disease brought.
I left home in 1972, got married, had two children by the time she passed. So I didn’t get to enjoy the last 5 years of her life. I really missed the best part of it.
I thought I had lost this book.
Earlier this year I was grieved to realize I was missing it. When I had to rearrange things in the garage and found some old boxes of the children’s mementos I was keeping, I ran across the book with a photo of her at her typewriter, my little sister standing there with her.
This is my Mother’s Day gift (2010) to my children and grandchildren. They never knew their Grandma Bender and hopefully this will give some insight into her life.
Sue Hanauer
Sunday, January 3, 2010
No words
I have a friend online that brings so many different ideas about God. Maybe 5 years ago I would have considered some of these things as heresy, but as my relationship with a loving God has grown and blossomed into an intimacy that cannot be described by plain words, I now consider her ideas and thoughts as her journey to get closer to her heavenly Father.
I don't need all those different ideas. I have so much going on inside my head already that adding more to it seems like eating at a buffet when I already had a big steak dinner. Too much to digest on too small a brain. But my heart feels like it is growing bigger every day. I can't really explain that, either. But the more His love is shining in my heart the more I am understanding His love for EVERYone around me.
I used to have a very small world view, mostly because I was firmly ensconced in religion and didn't realize it. But my world view has become broader and now embraces not just those who think like me, but those who don't, those who are searching, and those who just don't seem to care. Because all of these people are loved by Jesus who gave up His life to win their hearts back to the Father.
I would love to write something so totally profound that people would go ga-ga over my blog, but the truth is...I just love Him and He loves me, and that causes me to love others like I never have loved people before...
I don't need all those different ideas. I have so much going on inside my head already that adding more to it seems like eating at a buffet when I already had a big steak dinner. Too much to digest on too small a brain. But my heart feels like it is growing bigger every day. I can't really explain that, either. But the more His love is shining in my heart the more I am understanding His love for EVERYone around me.
I used to have a very small world view, mostly because I was firmly ensconced in religion and didn't realize it. But my world view has become broader and now embraces not just those who think like me, but those who don't, those who are searching, and those who just don't seem to care. Because all of these people are loved by Jesus who gave up His life to win their hearts back to the Father.
I would love to write something so totally profound that people would go ga-ga over my blog, but the truth is...I just love Him and He loves me, and that causes me to love others like I never have loved people before...
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Living in HIS love without expectations
Just an encouragement to continue to live in HIS love....
** "Do you realize how much you are loved (by God)? Do you have the experience of how deeply, tangibly, relentlessly, passionately, unconditionally you are loved? Do you realize--not in a theoretical way, but in a profoundly human way--how the love of Jesus Christ is so passionate whether you are in a "state of grace" or disgrace, whether you live up to the expectations of His Gospel or you don't, do you realize that God loves you beyond unworthiness and worthiness, beyond fidelity and infidelity, that He loves you in the morning sun and the evening rain, without caution, regret, boundary, limit, breaking point,--no matter what's gone down He can't stop loving you. Can you see, right now, Jesus looking into your eyes and saying, "I have a word for you, and my word is this; are you listening, I love you, I love you no matter, I can't stop loving you.""The craziness of thinking we must become worthy of God's love. If we will just let God be God--a Savior of unbearable forgiveness with infinite patience with a love that keeps no score of our wrong-doing. For us, love is a virtue. For God love is His identity." **
Speaking of "keeping score", I have been greatly influenced by this from Thomas Merton speaking to one of the brothers at the monastery;**
"If I make anything out of the fact that I am Thomas Merton, I am dead. And if you make anything out of the fact that you are in charge of the pig barn, you are dead."
Merton's solution? "Quit keeping score altogether and surrender yourself with all your sinfulness to God who sees neither the score nor the scorekeeper but only his child redeemed by Christ." **
** "Do you realize how much you are loved (by God)? Do you have the experience of how deeply, tangibly, relentlessly, passionately, unconditionally you are loved? Do you realize--not in a theoretical way, but in a profoundly human way--how the love of Jesus Christ is so passionate whether you are in a "state of grace" or disgrace, whether you live up to the expectations of His Gospel or you don't, do you realize that God loves you beyond unworthiness and worthiness, beyond fidelity and infidelity, that He loves you in the morning sun and the evening rain, without caution, regret, boundary, limit, breaking point,--no matter what's gone down He can't stop loving you. Can you see, right now, Jesus looking into your eyes and saying, "I have a word for you, and my word is this; are you listening, I love you, I love you no matter, I can't stop loving you.""The craziness of thinking we must become worthy of God's love. If we will just let God be God--a Savior of unbearable forgiveness with infinite patience with a love that keeps no score of our wrong-doing. For us, love is a virtue. For God love is His identity." **
Speaking of "keeping score", I have been greatly influenced by this from Thomas Merton speaking to one of the brothers at the monastery;**
"If I make anything out of the fact that I am Thomas Merton, I am dead. And if you make anything out of the fact that you are in charge of the pig barn, you are dead."
Merton's solution? "Quit keeping score altogether and surrender yourself with all your sinfulness to God who sees neither the score nor the scorekeeper but only his child redeemed by Christ." **
Monday, August 17, 2009
Reader Question
I suppose the context is important...he is speaking of last days and the fact that we need to be vigilant...but some take this to extreme and lay down law upon law for us to follow when Jesus left us with only ONE commandment...to love one another as he loves us....
But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a
day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a
day.
2 Peter 3:8, New International Version
Hey Sue
As usual.......if I don't get it, I come to you. WHY is this an important scripture? WHAT does it mean? I'm sitting here scratching my no-so-bald-anymore head going huh??
Thanks!
Love ya
Cyndy
As we grow in the Lord the meaning of certain verses seems to change...where it is said that if we love Him we will obey his command...i used to be of the idea that because I obey it showed how much I loved Him, but now it see that the other way around...I love him so much I just automatically obey because of the love...
I think this verse you are struggling over is similar in that one person will see it one way and another will see it as a totally different meaning...i find it just what it says...and leave it alone....to God it is ALL eternity...no beginning, no ending....WE are caught in a space of time....WE have no real concept of eternity....HE does, so a thousand years being like a day and a day as a thousand years seems a good way to express a concept of eternity...this is speaking of the end times...we are caught hoping the world will end (or not yet, please, while I am still here) when all we have is a short life span in comparison to forever...it’s barely a blip on God’s radar screen, kinda like a hundred million dollars in cuts from a couple trillion dollar budget....hardly worth a thought...
So it’s so great that He truly loves each of us...it’s like a big love story going on in our hearts when we are but a blip to eternity....and we have a tendency to take our little bit of “scripture” written about a God we can’t truly fathom and create all kinds of doctrines and laws regarding His love for us....
When He decided that written word was not enough for the Israelites, he sent His Son to wipe out the sin nature in the world and open up an entire new paradigm for EVERYone to come in....now He lives within US and the Holy Spirit leads us to Jesus and to Papa every moment of every day....HE made the way into His heart...all we have to do is accept it....and open up our hearts to hear from Him....
Granted, some of that can be through what we read in the Bible....but HIS WORD is already living within us...even if we had never read a word on the written page of the Bible we KNOW what is right and wrong to do....in Ecclesiates it says that HE put eternity in the hearts of men....and that was before Jesus came to physically reconcile the world....
What about those in deepest darkest Africa who have never ever heard the Bible? I am more aware now than at any other time in my life that our American, Western “Christianity” with it’s emphasis on the Bible being “the Word of God” is pretty bogus....the Bible is very important, don’t get me wrong, (I just quoted some of it, right?), but the WORD is Jesus Christ, speaking in our hearts thru the Holy Spirit....now we can either believe this or not....but since I quit taking every jot and tittle of t he words in the Bible to convey doctrine, and just listen to HIM in my heart, I have encountered a whole lot more peace and joy in my walking with Papa...
I have changed my way of thinking about God from one where it was up to ME to change and be like HIM to one like a child where I can screw up and know He still loves me...He loves me no matter what I do or how evil I am...however, the difference is that when I discover HIS love for ME...and it begins to show up in everything I do, I don’t WANT to screw up or do bad things. He already did away with the sin, Apart from the Law there is NO sin, and we ARE apart from the law....Romans something....
Sunday, June 28, 2009
The REST of the gospel is just that...
resting in HIM. How to do it? I think it's a bit of fatalism, mixed with contentment, peace and joy, embued with LOVE for Father and all that entails. Fatalism in itself is selfishness, but when you KNOW the He loves you so much the resting gets easier and easier and you begin to understand the deeper meaning of His love. There is no fear in love. Fear's end result is punishment. Love's end result is a deeper more abiding peace with God and all those around.
Most of my life has been lived through fear. I am beginning to see when the fear is gone and replaced by intent to love, that my motivations are changed. Instead of trying to get the upper hand because I fear I will be lost in the crowd, I take the path of love and do what needs doing because I love.
Most of my life has been lived through fear. I am beginning to see when the fear is gone and replaced by intent to love, that my motivations are changed. Instead of trying to get the upper hand because I fear I will be lost in the crowd, I take the path of love and do what needs doing because I love.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
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